A handsome man let’s out a large huff getting off the subway and I think “B, if you can’t handle a crowded subway then you can’t handle the ride of my life.”

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Wait, What Happened?!?!

Real life dating stories # 5 – Spill the V Debunked

This eventful evening happened when I first arrived back after a relationship hiatus. Maybe I was more forgiving and had low expectations as a new arrival back on the scene but it wasn’t until looking back that I realized this was a bit off. We met in the neighborhood and had a couple of drinks, through conversation I found this guy really interesting, creative and he painted himself as successful. All of this I was about, so when he offered to have a night cap at his place (again newly arrived), I took him up on the offer. He mentioned through conversation that he got a new place. He was really excited about it, especially the decor and making it his home.

We go over, I will admit it was nice. White shag rug, white couch, fire place and wait for it ….bunk beds. So that should have been the first sign or I at least should have thought what is a man over 40 doing with bunk beds?!?!

We were making out on the new white couch on the new white rug drinking red wine. The bottle and glasses are on the coffee table, I placed my glass down out of caution. He then slips down my pants and gets on his knees. As he’s getting into position he kicks the coffee table, tips the red wine bottle and glasses over. All the contents spill all over the new white couch and the new white rug. I’ve never laughed so hard internally before.

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Everyday we hustle

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Wait, What Happened?!?!

Real life dating stories # 4 – FrostTips

It was a long week, so when my friends asked me to meet them out on a Friday I jumped at the opportunity. I work early, stayed late but rallied. We were at one of our usual boy haunts in Hell’s Kitchen. I was getting lit in the boy bar and ended up going home with this hottie with a beard. We both have beards, so I knew this might be interesting but never thought the below would happen. Once he was finished going to town on my backside, he came up for air. Then I realized he had some white flecks on his beard. It took me a second to realize it was TP. I tried to sneakily wipe it out while making out. This is the most caressing I’ve ever been with a hook up. Lessoned learned for this chap, even when not planning to hook up it’s always beneficially to be prepared.

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Lucky Charm

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I wanna know what fountain these thirsty a$$ betches be guzzling from …

Overheard subway convos but also I feel ya 

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Wait,What Happened?!?!

Real life dating stories #3 – Slap Happy 

I was meeting up with guy from one of the apps for the first time. He suggested we go to one of these fancy rooftops in our beloved city. Since I was on the fence about this guy, this suggestion ease my concerns. 

We met outside on ground, which was a spark of long lost chivalry. 

We rode the elevator up to the roof, and weirdly we were alone. Things got interesting once the doors shut. At first he was telling me, he so excited we matched and he was really hoping we would. This had me all “awwww”. Then he asked me if I could do him a favor, now half soften but still treading cautiously, I inquire.

He proceeds to beg me to slap him across the face. At first, I am taken back thinking he must be joking. He continues to beg andbeg saying he’s dreamed about this moment  from me, that the feel of my hand coming across his face is pure ecstasy. 

I deny and deny, hoping we arrive at the roof at any moment. He keeps going, and finally I think what if I die in this elevator because I refuse, so I give in and wail him from cheek to cheek. I wish this could be satisfying but the look of joy and pleasure the swept over him disminished any reward I could have mustered. 

He pleaded for more. And I’m hoping the doors open. Why is this taking so long?!?! We aren’t going up that many flight, it’s not the Empire State Building! Finally the doors pop open to greet hoards of passengers going down, I’m sure I look stunned. We excited the slap chamber. Then had a “normal” date like we didn’t have a slap-a-thon in the elevator. Just another date in NYC. 

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