Lucky Charm

Going into Friday like #goodfortune #donoteat #fortunecookie #accessory #armcandy #crackopen #goodluck #kendallandkylie #luckynumbers

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I wanna know what fountain these thirsty a$$ betches be guzzling from …

Overheard subway convos but also I feel ya 

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Wait,What Happened?!?!

Real life dating stories #3 – Slap Happy 

I was meeting up with guy from one of the apps for the first time. He suggested we go to one of these fancy rooftops in our beloved city. Since I was on the fence about this guy, this suggestion ease my concerns. 

We met outside on ground, which was a spark of long lost chivalry. 

We rode the elevator up to the roof, and weirdly we were alone. Things got interesting once the doors shut. At first he was telling me, he so excited we matched and he was really hoping we would. This had me all “awwww”. Then he asked me if I could do him a favor, now half soften but still treading cautiously, I inquire.

He proceeds to beg me to slap him across the face. At first, I am taken back thinking he must be joking. He continues to beg andbeg saying he’s dreamed about this moment  from me, that the feel of my hand coming across his face is pure ecstasy. 

I deny and deny, hoping we arrive at the roof at any moment. He keeps going, and finally I think what if I die in this elevator because I refuse, so I give in and wail him from cheek to cheek. I wish this could be satisfying but the look of joy and pleasure the swept over him disminished any reward I could have mustered. 

He pleaded for more. And I’m hoping the doors open. Why is this taking so long?!?! We aren’t going up that many flight, it’s not the Empire State Building! Finally the doors pop open to greet hoards of passengers going down, I’m sure I look stunned. We excited the slap chamber. Then had a “normal” date like we didn’t have a slap-a-thon in the elevator. Just another date in NYC. 

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Wait, What Happened?!?!

Real life dating stories #2 – Cat’s Meow

This happened awhile ago, in my early 20s. This was my second time hanging with the guy.  After boozing for a bunch hours with a bunch of my friends, we call it an eve. 

We go back to my place, I’m feeling confident and sexy. So I procced to cat crawl like on a prowl on to  and across the bed. 

Please note, my bed at this point in the middle of the wall. With one side completely open and about a foot to the wall on the other side. 

As I am exercising my best slinky, sheath cat like moment, giving the best bedroom eyes out there. I miss crawl and slide off the side of the bed. The side that is closer to the wall. As I am falling, I let out a shriek, something close sounding to a cat in heat. I land on my back with all four claws up. 🙀

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Wait, What Happened?!?

Real life dating stories #1- Bloody Nightmare 

We went out to a rooftop a couple years ago, showed off my personal connection skills and really impressed her that the owner let me change the skyline light(primarily the Empire State) we knocked a couple back and could tell she was feeling herself and me. My place was close by (yes, purposeful planning) so I suggested we head back. She was totally game and this led to making out,  some illegal partying,  and a high possibility of even more. 

The second time we hung out, it’s in her neck of the woods and it’s late. A couple night caps, some oysters then head back to her place. We start to dive into the illegal stuff and begin making out. In my mind this is a total win, we’ve been here before so what could go wrong. We are making out, a little fondling and then there is a drip on my face. Seems like all that partying caught up to a nose bleed. SMH but you know I’m not going home just yet! The best part, she gave me her ex-boyfriends shirt time. 1st time for bloody nose make out

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Wait, What Happened?!?

After dating around NYC for three years, being on and off single for almost a decade, and conversing with friends for even longer.I’ve come to realize that the dating world is hilarious (sometimes after much reflection) and to hear these mostly absurd, cringe worthy and laugh out loud moments helps us relate and realize we are not alone.

The coming segment is not just my stories, they are friends, friends of friends. They are not just written from the female voice, these are all encompassing actual dating senerios. 

Although there is no shortage, feel free to share yours and it might be posted anonymously. If you had a good laugh and care to share, email claudiascali@gmail.com 

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Sunday Mix

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