Real life dating stories #8 – Love Doctor
I was fresh back on the online dating scene after a few months hiatus. I matched with this doctor and enjoyed a few dates with him. He played the game very well; made dinner reservations right off the bat, got me an uber ride home in the rain, waited outside at the restaurants for me to arrive. He knew what he was doing and admittedly so I was smitten.
The usual happened I waited the “appropriate” time, was excited to see where this could possibly go. Hold Up– not like wedding bells, let’s not get cray but maybe I should pay attention type of vibe.
So needless to say, we hooked up a few times, exchanged some texts and BAM Dr.Playboy stops answering.
Maybe because this was the first time I was ever ghosted, I didn’t really quite grasp what was happening. After many hours wondering, questioning and debating what occurred followed by countless conversations with friends, I was ready to make him a prime example of what not to do to me.
One night under the spell of liquid courage, I crafted the following message.
Your silence is astounding. And you wonder why you are still single. I highly advise an improvement in your bedside manors. Best of Luck.
I sent as a kiss of death so I obviously wasn’t expecting a response nor received one.
2-2 1/2 years and another dating site later, Dr reappears and matching again with me. I am so tempted to accept and to ask him if he remembers we already stuck D in the V
Real life dating stories # 7 – George Costanza Etiquette
I was on a 1st date with this girl, that was going seemingly well. We met and the conversation and drinks were flowing.
As is occurs when drinking we were making some bathroom trips. I guess I didn’t notice the single person bathroom didn’t lock until the final visit when last night’s dinner reappeared.
For the sake of not getting even more of the shit sweats, I rip off my sweatshirt. In my haste, my T comes flying off as well. My main focus is speed and this seems to be efficient.
I get down to business. All of a sudden I hear the jingle of the door and it swings open. There stands Ms. 1st date, her gaze fixed on me, pants down around the ankles, shirtless and sweaty shitting.
The door slammed shut as fast as it swung open but the vision made an irreversibly impression. I half expected her not to still be at the table, unfortunately I was right.
Real life dating stories # 6 – stage 10 clinger
Who doesn’t love rooftops?!? So when invited to a rooftop party, I typically grab my girls and go. Unfortunately this Monday, no one was around to be my plus one. But it’s was an open bar that I could not miss out on. So I go, I cocktail and I mingle.
Amidst my liquor infused conversations I meet this guy, who seems to be engaging, interesting and a bit entertaining. Although he was not my typical type, I gave him a chance.
After a couple of hours of small talk (he didn’t leave my side 🤦🏻♀️) he asks me to grab a bite. I take up the offer since sobering up is probably the best idea for my inevitable Tuesday morning hangover.
We head to a place near by and grab some small bites. I knew I had to get out of there sooner then later so no expectations or feelings would be broken.
We pay the bill – in case you were wondering I split it (momma can buy her own food). I decided I had to bounce, I pretend call a cab so there would not be any awkward goodbyes hugs/going in for a smooch.
I stand corrected, I was not this lucky. As I excuse myself and say goodbye he tries to lay one on me. I detracted the situation by saying we were in the middle of a dining room but still the cheek dance occurred.
He asked me for my number and reluctantly I punched my digits in. As I was passing back his phone, I realized I accidentally was one digit off (I know that you are thinking, but it was actually an accident).
I thought I was in the clear but no he proceeds to take a selfie and FaceTime this number. I’ve never high tailed it out of a bar in heels before.
A handsome man let’s out a large huff getting off the subway and I think “B, if you can’t handle a crowded subway then you can’t handle the ride of my life.”
Real life dating stories # 5 – Spill the V Debunked
This eventful evening happened when I first arrived back after a relationship hiatus. Maybe I was more forgiving and had low expectations as a new arrival back on the scene but it wasn’t until looking back that I realized this was a bit off. We met in the neighborhood and had a couple of drinks, through conversation I found this guy really interesting, creative and he painted himself as successful. All of this I was about, so when he offered to have a night cap at his place (again newly arrived), I took him up on the offer. He mentioned through conversation that he got a new place. He was really excited about it, especially the decor and making it his home.
We go over, I will admit it was nice. White shag rug, white couch, fire place and wait for it ….bunk beds. So that should have been the first sign or I at least should have thought what is a man over 40 doing with bunk beds?!?!
We were making out on the new white couch on the new white rug drinking red wine. The bottle and glasses are on the coffee table, I placed my glass down out of caution. He then slips down my pants and gets on his knees. As he’s getting into position he kicks the coffee table, tips the red wine bottle and glasses over. All the contents spill all over the new white couch and the new white rug. I’ve never laughed so hard internally before.